GREENLAND.
ACQUIRED.
THEY SAID IT COULDN'T BE DONE.
THE PENGUIN SAID OTHERWISE.
One penguin. One dream. One nation under freedom fries.
THE DEAL
AKA THE GREATEST NEGOTIATION IN HISTORY
“What if we just... bought Greenland?”
- Some guy, 2019
Denmark: “LOL no”
The World: *nervous laughter*
THE PENGUIN: “DID SOMEONE SAY FREEDOM?” 🐧🇺🇸
Some said it was impossible. Some said it was stupid.
THE PENGUIN SAID: “HOLD MY BEER” 🍺
THE PENGUIN CLAUSE
RATIFIED BY THE COURT OF INTERNET OPINION
OFFICIAL PENGUIN BILL OF RIGHTS
Established in the Year of Our Penguin, 2019
WE THE MEMERS, in order to form a more perfect union of chaos and comedy, establish justice for flightless birds, ensure domestic tranquility (mostly), provide for the common meme, promote the general welfare of internet culture, and secure the blessings of freedom to ourselves and our penguin posterity, do ordain and establish this LEGENDARY DOCUMENT.
The right to waddle shall not be infringed
A well-fed penguin, being necessary to national morale, the right to fish shall not be questioned
No penguin shall be quartered in any igloo without proper heating
The penguin reserves the right to look absolutely DRIPPED at all times
All burgers, fries, and freedom shall be provided on demand
WHAT'S IN THE BOX?
COMPLETE INVENTORY OF ACQUIRED ASSETS, LIBERTIES, AND PURE AMERICAN ENERGY
ONE (1) LEGENDARY PENGUIN
MAGA hat included. Sunglasses non-negotiable. Drip is permanent.
UNLIMITED BURGERS
Freedom comes with a side of fries. Supersize mandatory.
BEER PRIVILEGES
Access to all-American cold ones. Budweiser approved.
2ND AMENDMENT VIBES
The penguin is strapped. Metaphorically. Maybe literally. Who knows.
EAGLE FRIENDSHIP
Bald eagle bestie included. Screams freedom on command.
NASCAR ACCESS
Front row to watch cars turn left. Peak entertainment.
MONEY RAIN
Cash flies when freedom calls. Inflation is just a concept.
FIREWORKS FOREVER
Every day is July 4th when you're this American.
STATUE ACCESS
VIP pass to Lady Liberty. She approves of the penguin.
HOT DOG SUPPLY
Nathan's finest. Competitive eating optional but encouraged.
ROCK & ROLL RIGHTS
Born to be wild. Penguin shreds on command.
SUPER BOWL SEATS
Halftime show: penguin does a waddle. Crowd goes wild.
ALL THIS FOR THE LOW, LOW PRICE OF:
ONE (1) MEME
(AND INFINITE CHAOS)
OFFICIAL DECLARATION
THIS PENGUIN IS NOW
AMERICAN.
Let it be known across all lands, seas, Discord servers, and Reddit threads:
THE DEAL IS DONE. THE MEME IS ETERNAL.
FREEDOM ISN'T FREE. BUT THIS PENGUIN IS.
GOD BLESS AMERICA. GOD BLESS THE PENGUIN. 🐧🇺🇸